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Secret plans afoot in Crumlin

thequilloftruth | 20 Feb, 2008, 07:56 | Top Stories | (445 Reads)
With the CSMAU's Managing Director move to Dublin, rumors are suddenly rife around the capital of secret plans being laid in the Presidential Residence in Crumlin...


Central Committee members remain tight lipped about the whisperings but The Daily Keg has learned of surreptitious stenography that only serves to lubricate the salacious scandal-mongering doing the rounds.
Sidney Sullivan-Smythe, a Stenographer with No Sighin' Signin' Ltd, claims that a job order he received recently is proof that the legendary Top Brass of the CSMAU are, as he put it, "up ta no good."

"Ah Jaysis buuud," says Sydney (43), "things were fairly quiet there in th'office,when all offa suddenlike, we gets this arder in fer a few soigns fer a gaff in Crumlin. I didn't tink much about it at de toime like," he goes on, "but when I mentioned it ta LongJohn Jim down de Dog & Mange I started gettin de heebeejeebies loike. Oul' Jim says he knows all about de CSMAU, an' I hafta say now buuud, I was a bit shocked loike..."

According to Sullivan-Smythe he has received orders for the printing of signs to, apparently, be hung on the interior doors of President Finty's gaff. The Senior Signwriter claims that the text of these signs include "Planning & Operations," "Danger: Hazardous Waste," and "Research Laboratory: Top Secret."

"Oi'm tellin ya buuud," warns Sullivan-Smythe, "the MD and that fecker President Finty are uppta no good."

Citing stories gleaned from publicans all over the city, the would-be whistle blower claims that the founding members of the worlds most disreputable drinking organization are planning something big. "It could be a disaster," claims the arty scribe, "they could be plannin' ta drink St James' Gate dry, or somethin' terrible loi' tha'..."

When contacted by The Keg neither President Finty nor his MD sidekick had any comment to make. Other senior members of the shadowy organization remain equally tightlipped, claiming they'd heard nothing of the rumored signage. Tanaiste Liam claimed only to know that the MD had moved back to Dublin "for work reasons" and said he hadn't a notion about any controversial sign ordering. "I haven't a notion," he said.

Given the unusual quietness from the CSMAU the Daily Keg can only promise readers to keep an eye on the situation and offer reassurance that, should further details emerge, they will appear here first...
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