Top CSMAU Crytographer unlocks secrets of AGM Minutes
thequilloftruth | 31 Oct, 2006, 17:38 |
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Nearly two months after the most recent CSMAU AGM the minutes of that celubrious meeting have at last been deciphered and made available to the public.Teams of exhausted specialists were jubilant after spending the weeks since the AGM methodically working out just what it was that the President had been writing during the gathering last September in Rody Bolands pub in Rathmines, Dublin 6.
Cryptographer Lotta Scriebling said it was the hardest case she'd taken on in her 15 years of decyphering difficult writing. Not even her MA in Doctors Prescriptionography had prepared her for il Presidente's writing. "It vas like it vas written in svahili und svabbed in soup," she said.
The problem, it transpired, was that the medium the ruddy-cheeked Prez chose to write on was, unsurprisingly, beermat. Budweiser beermat to be precise, something that is notoriously difficult to write on. "It iss terrible stuff," shivered Ms Scriebling, "it's like making ze writing on ze slice of bread."
The difficulties were exacerbated by the fact that the AGM happened AFTER the All Ireland Hurling Final, and il Prez had been out for hours BEFORE the game. Additionally he was said to be visibly upset by the fact that all that effort had been in vain. "He was very upset by Cork losing," a spokesman said.
Witnesses add a certain air of veracity to that claim, with some telling The Daily Keg that the CSMAU's Head Honcho was, indeed, 'Tired and Emotional' - as they put it. "Shur he'd spent the day in Rody Boland's in Rathmines," one witness said, "he was banjaxed."
The President's 'emotional' condition added to the legibility problems of the minutes in question. Ms Scriebling, a world expert in beer fueled meanderings said the writing she was asked to decipher was the worst she'd ever seen. "It vas like as if you had tied a biro to a small finger mit an elastic band," she said, "und zen asked ze owner of zat little finger to write a book in ze Greek spoken by Aristotle."
The CSMAU's Head Honcho is delighted by the news, saying "it's great ta be able ta read what me brain was tryin' ta get me hand to write. Twas a tricky one aw right like. Hard ta write de minutes when yer demented like."
Ms Scriebling is likewise pleased with the outcome. "It's a very goot feeling," she said, adding "knowing that you rescued important ze vork from vot could haff been ze disaster... ya zat's a nice feeling."
**The minutes are here in this month's Daily Keg for all those who wish to read them.**
The problem, it transpired, was that the medium the ruddy-cheeked Prez chose to write on was, unsurprisingly, beermat. Budweiser beermat to be precise, something that is notoriously difficult to write on. "It iss terrible stuff," shivered Ms Scriebling, "it's like making ze writing on ze slice of bread."
The difficulties were exacerbated by the fact that the AGM happened AFTER the All Ireland Hurling Final, and il Prez had been out for hours BEFORE the game. Additionally he was said to be visibly upset by the fact that all that effort had been in vain. "He was very upset by Cork losing," a spokesman said.
Witnesses add a certain air of veracity to that claim, with some telling The Daily Keg that the CSMAU's Head Honcho was, indeed, 'Tired and Emotional' - as they put it. "Shur he'd spent the day in Rody Boland's in Rathmines," one witness said, "he was banjaxed."
The President's 'emotional' condition added to the legibility problems of the minutes in question. Ms Scriebling, a world expert in beer fueled meanderings said the writing she was asked to decipher was the worst she'd ever seen. "It vas like as if you had tied a biro to a small finger mit an elastic band," she said, "und zen asked ze owner of zat little finger to write a book in ze Greek spoken by Aristotle."
The CSMAU's Head Honcho is delighted by the news, saying "it's great ta be able ta read what me brain was tryin' ta get me hand to write. Twas a tricky one aw right like. Hard ta write de minutes when yer demented like."
Ms Scriebling is likewise pleased with the outcome. "It's a very goot feeling," she said, adding "knowing that you rescued important ze vork from vot could haff been ze disaster... ya zat's a nice feeling."
**The minutes are here in this month's Daily Keg for all those who wish to read them.**
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